“Birds do it, bees do it, even educated fleas do it….” – Lets Fall In Love

I love this song originally by Cole Porter, sung by Ella Fitzgerald.  When I was younger I used to giggle over the “do it” part, thinking they were implying sex, not the whole falling in love part.  Now as an adult, I still giggle at the “do it” part.  With all the doing it going on, what about when we are doing it?  We all know the many other phrases associated with “doing it,” but let’s call it what it is – sex.  The good, bad, and the ugly – sex.  We all have sat through sex ed in school, rolled a condom on a banana as practice, and felt somewhat embarrassed by the terms used.  In real life how often are we running around looking for a dental dam?  The reality is, sex happens, and for the most part we are smart about talking to our partners about protection, past partners, STDs, pregnancy and the like.  What about those other times?  We take risks thinking we are invincible, and we won’t be part of another statistic.  This goes for all ages too.  A lot of the times, there is an association of irresponsibility with teenagers, but adults can be just as guilty. 

What about virgins?

If you are still a virgin, I applaud you.  I also applaud that you have not given into any kind of pressure to have sex until you are ready.  There are too many folks out there engaging in acts simply because they were coached into it by their peers or partners.  I wish more people in your position made a stronger impact on others to stand firm in their convictions.  Again, as teens or adults.  There are adults who are still virgins, and choose to remain one until they either get married or for other reasons. 

What about the rest of us? 

Having sex, or engaging in sexual acts can be amazing.  Let’s be honest about that.  If you and your partner are on the same page, are open and honest with each other, you can and will have a very successful sex life.  Whether it’s positions, potions, or passion, there are many avenues to explore with the proper safe word.  When to start having sex in your relationship is your business, but what about that first time together?  Are we actually engaging with our partners about their past history?  If they get tested, and what they get tested for?  How often do they use condoms, or what kind of birth control they prefer?  I’m sure there are times we just want to ignore the past, or we lie in an effort to sound more virginal to our partners.  You do not have to reveal the amount of people you have had sex with if you are not comfortable, but it is important to get tested on a regular basis.  This is why your doctor asks a million questions about your sex life.  If they don’t, I advise you to find a better doctor that is more proactive.  They aren’t interested in where or who you are doing it with, they are helping you stay on top of your sexual health because it does affect your overall health. 

I know that talking about sex is hard for most people.  You always feel like your mom (or Jesus) is within earshot hearing about how hard you actually enjoy it.  I feel the same way too at times.  Sometimes we want to tell our partners to move, go faster, slower, dress up as a character, but feel that may be too dirty or wrong so we keep quiet and just lie there until it’s over.  I invite you to work on breaking from that way of thinking.  Too many couples lose their intimacy and stop having sex.  Why?  You see that person each day!  Don’t be scared to touch them or make the first move. 

What about those who generally don’t enjoy sex? 

Yes, these people do exist, and no they are not “weird.”  For the amount of people that love sex, there are those that can go without for long period of time.  Their version of intimacy is different, and they do not need that release or physical connection to have a long lasting relationship with someone else.  It’s important in the beginning stages of your relationship to effectively communicate this to your partner.  If you are worried it will run them off, then they were not meant for you to begin with.  The right partner will love you regardless.  It may sound like a cliche, but it’s the truth. 

What does this all mean for me?

I read a stat about couples that have casual sex are more likely to have safer sex than those in a relationship.  I’m not sure how true that is or not, but it is important that all partners engaging in sex are doing it safely.  If you aren’t comfortable discussing how to have sex safely, then maybe reevaluate if you are ready to have sex.  Always use a condom, and yes they do make latex free condoms for those with allergies.  It is not taboo for a woman to buy condoms either.  Most brands fit most men too.  He isn’t “too big” for them.  Be honest with yourself, be honest with your partner and be honest with your doctor.  Your health is what matters most, and we need you here with us!