Girl: How come you deleted your profile?
Guy: Too many pigs were contacting me for pictures.
Girl: I’m sorry to hear that?
Guy: You should send me some pics.
This is part of a conversation I actually had with someone recently. He was upset that women he was not attracted to were contacting him for illicit pictures, yet turned around and asked me for the same kind of pictures. His profile professed of how he wanted to settle down, get married, and be that family man. The typical stuff that would usually cover a dating profile: In search of another unicorn. The sad part is this similar conversation happens with all kinds of men; different educations, jobs, religions – there isn’t a magical composite of hey, we actually respect women here! What about the flip side? Of course there are plenty of women who do the same thing to men. They successfully treat them poorly, or at least harass them effectively enough for a similar outcome of disappointment.
One would think instead of the dog trying to catch his tail, they would all drop their high standards and get what they really want out of each other. It’s really interesting to watch though. It makes you wonder if it really is the thrill of the chase, the desire for the orgasm, the human component when it comes to being intimate, or some people really are just that terrible. A lot blame technology, and the fear of missing out, but in reality, these subculture has always been around. Men and women didn’t need Tinder to cheat on their spouses, or even call waiting, they found a way to make things happen. My solution to this whole subculture is simple, be honest. If all you want is something casual, be honest. You will be surprised at how many others are seeking the same. Be honest that you aren’t ready to support building a monogamous relationship at this point in your life. Don’t feel bullied into staying with someone either. Do not let yourself be a seat filler in their life path. That’s the fastest way to an unhealthy relationship or marriage. Also, don’t twist who you are just to land that person by your side. Stay true to who you are and what you enjoy. Do write in some detail of the type of person you are seeking if you choose to use online dating. Writing some drab unicorn bait on your profile is not going to work, and frankly, you will probably attract some not so good matches. Mention about the things you actually enjoy doing, upload a few recent pictures of yourself, and do not tolerate nonsense from other people. I know some are not comfortable showing all of who they are for fear of being rejected. Some feel they aren’t thin or attractive enough to attract a good partner.
Please know that you are worthy of finding a quality partner who respects you for who you are, and will love you unconditionally.
If they are harassing you, report them and block them. It’s not cute when either sex does this, and yes it’s not just the men sending harassing messages. Online bullying is a problem in the dating world as well.
What does this all boil down to? How can we successfully meet other like minded people and start building something meaningful? Some do suggest getting offline and getting out in the world. That can be hard for some because most of us work a lot, and if we aren’t working we have various other responsibilities going on that occupy our time. If you do find time to do things offline, I suggest finding out what your local city has to offer. Most cities offer free venues, or low cost options that get you out and mingling with other people. I also invite you to try something new. Who knows who you will run into learning how to garden, rock climb, or sew? The possibilities are endless. However I do suggest not meeting people where alcohol is served. Yeah, it’s great to relax with a glass of your favorite spirit, but I don’t believe those environments are conducive to meeting a potential romantic partner. No matter the alcohol content, your judgement will be cloudy, and you will think that cute stranger you met last weekend is the best until you realize they are now stalking you at your job. Technology has made it very easy for others to find you in real time (real life). It can be scary. If you aren’t able to find much offline time, I suggest you invite friends over for a fun adult game night and suggest your guests bring a new friend. Small intimate gatherings can make some people feel at ease easier. You can always rotate who plays host ensuring you are meeting new people through out the year.
How will you improve your chances? Will you be proactive in meeting new people? Do not let past negative experiences discourage your search. Those negative experiences tend to pile up a lot faster, but with a healthy outlook. We can move past them and not let loneliness creep in.