When the New Year rolls around, a lot of new things usually roll right along with it. Sometimes it’s great and life takes on a whole new meaning, and sadly, sometimes it’s bad – if not really bad.
We often wonder why was the other person not honest, or why they didn’t come with a warning label: Date With Caution; Narcissist With Intimacy Issues; or my personal favorite, Always Looking for Next Best Thing. I often think about the few episodes of Sex and The City where Carrie dates Burger. I think most of us can relate with her in that relationship the easiest. Things always start great, you jump over hurdles together and still remain intact and together – but then a bump comes along whether it’s envy, jealousy, insecurity or simply boredom and you have the uncomfortable conversation that you are no longer needed (or wanted) in their life. You no longer are (or ever were) important to them on any level either. It’s sad and can possibly be heartbreaking, especially if you felt it was time to start letting the other person in and start building that trust between you two. It all can be broken apart by a text message, email, phone call or post-it note.
Some may not consider it cheating because modern dating has so many blurred lines as far as definitions of what a relationship is anymore, but it is cheating. Emotionally leading someone on then throwing them aside is not only cheating on the other person but you are cheating them out of time they can not get back, cheating them out of meeting someone else who would have appreciated all that they have to offer a relationship, and cheating yourself out of a healthy and prosperous relationship that would last a long time. In our modern times, even being friends with someone longer than 5 years should be considered a real accomplishment. These days loyalty doesn’t mean what it used to and is being replaced with whomever can give me what I think I need and want at this very moment. They might be growing older but the maturity isn’t there.
Does that mean give up? Throw in the towel and stay single? Buy a gross of cats? Absolutely not! I am a firm believer in everything working together to produce the lesson we need to learn in that moment. We may perceive it as the world caving in over us and are quickly losing our air supply but that situation is producing a change that is giving way to something that you deserve – something better than you could have anticipated for yourself. When we are in the middle of situations, losing perspective is easy. We assume the rope we are holding is secured to something solid but come to find out it was never tied up in the first place. Do whatever you feel is necessary to healthily grieve the process. It is okay to feel hurt. It is okay to cry. It is totally okay to binge on brownies with champagne and watch reality TV. The important thing is the negative feelings will pass and you will be okay. Things will be okay again and you will wonder why you allowed yourself to let that person in your life yet will know to keep the door closed without resorting to name calling, curse words, or physical situations that only produce more grief than gains.