Who Was That?

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Often times we are triggered by scents, music, colors, or random sounds of past experiences that are both amazingly unforgettable and at the same time horrendously unforgettable.  When presented with such situations it can cause in us great euphoria or lead us down a dark path resembling depression.  It can take a few moments of silence to get us back to normal but sometimes it takes a lot longer to move forward with our lives.  In these instances we often wonder Who was that? while looking at old pictures with previous lovers or old friends.

We may wonder Why did I behave that way? Or Why did I allow this in my life for so long? The issue is pain and toxicity can become comfortable after a while.  Once molded by it, we can rationalize behaviors, speech, and thoughts that make it okay to stay.  Stay a minute longer than we should, allowing that evil to cement itself within us further causing damage to our self worth and self esteem.  With modern technology, it’s easier to take these strolls down memory lane.  With a few clicks of the keypad or smart phone you are down the rabbit hole of your ex, their ex, mother, sister, brother, and best friend.  With how each app is designed, you can monitor where and when they check-in to various locations as well.  Gone are the days when you wouldn’t see them anymore and you lived too far to casually run into them again.  It’s as if they simply disappeared into the night and your thoughts.  This helped in moving on from the past and also moving to a healthier future (hopefully).  It will take time to curb the temptation into running their name through a search engine or social media avenue or hoping to run into them at what you thought was their favorite lunch spot.  The curiosity will eventually die off in time.  I always suggest taking on a new hobby when going through a difficult situation or taking on a new pet.  The distraction of learning something new or having to care for someone else will teach you to not only care for yourself but you will be able to express that same care and concern for another person.

What if we get stuck? What if we get stuck on difficult memories of the past causing us to wonder who we really are? Are we that evil? Are we deserving of redemption? Maybe we’re wondering if we are worthy enough for love and affection?  Wondering if that magic can happen like it does in the movies for us one last time so we know we aren’t destined to be alone forever. This is where a strong support group comes into play.  If you are religious, you can turn to prayer, more traditional avenues like therapy if necessary, or venting to a close group of friends.  That is the beauty about friends.  They are well aware of who we are for better and worse and realize even during the mudslinging of a breakup isn’t the true portrait of who we are.

In time we do come back to center and find ourselves again.  We find our value, our self worth, and that reason to start over again.  Leaving the wonder of who we were in the past where it belongs.

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