I was going back and forth on writing this mainly because I’m not a fan of generalizations and frankly, I don’t like writing a gave up style piece. I believe in optimism. The glass being half full, and that there is so much greatness to life that we all experience on a daily basis. Some miss out on that greatness because they gave up on seeing it. I did not choose to take a break from online dating – I unplugged from it completely – for good.
I have been doing the dating thing for quite some time with nothing to write home about. I could tell you numerous stores of the amount of married men who use various dating apps either lying about their status or being honest about being married and still looking for a partner. If not them, the amount of men who strangely enough have recently gotten out of a long term relationship and are only looking for casual (a personal favorite line of bullshit I’ve come across). It’s amazing how many were in these great long term relationships but all managed to not marry their ex and are now back in the dating pool looking for a hook-up to heal their wounds. I often wonder what their ex would say about them, like a reference for dating. Did he cheat the entire relationship? Was she cheating? Was she really overbearing? Did she not believe in your dreams? Did you not respect her education and/or career path? Did you put your own family or friends above her? Was it really out of convenience to stay together? Rent is expensive these days. I’m sure you have a million stories of your own to add to this pile. We could sit up for hours commiserating on the fact!
Let’s be real – I’ve dated outside of my comfort zone. I gave men a chance when they didn’t deserve one, but with into the situation with the mentality of giving it a shot. I went along in hopes my instincts were wrong. I wanted to be able to say that I went to the other side in hopes of finding a great person to build a life with. What did I find? A few stalkers and nothing of value. Granted, along the way, I did meet some okay people who had intimacy issues which resulted in no real substantial relationship; a la Carrie and her Berger boyfriend problem except I wasn’t given a post-it note in the end. It happens – and in our modern times, it’s a lot harder to find emotionally stable people who are looking for someone to write poetry about.
I guess instead of the above mentioned post-it note, you can be bogged down by semi nude pictures that are unwanted or overt sexuality that’s also unwanted. There is a time and place and I don’t hate on those that are only after a good time. There are plenty of people out there ready, willing, and able to fulfill those needs. So as long as you’re both consenting adults – have your fun – but don’t drag the rest of us through it. A lot of us are tired of being used and thrown to the side while you pine after a person that wouldn’t give you the time of day in the real world. A lot of us are blinded by follower counts that are bought, popularity that comes at a high price of self worth, and painful memories of rejection. It’s time we took a moment to unplug and do some soul searching.
I haven’t give up on traditional dating. The kind of dating where you meet someone by chance and things progress along in their right timing. I think that can still exist in its own right and you can meet someone great and forever after does happen. I’m a romantic at heart and believe in soul mates. You never know, you probably met them when you are young and life is waiting for the right time to bring them back around again when you’re supposed to be together. There’s a lot we have to learn in life about ourselves, let alone learning about another person then learning how you two fit together so growth can happen. It’s a long road filled with heartache and disappointment but also a lot of bright spots and happiness.
Happiness that we deserve and will have!
I invite you to take stock of your experiences and decide if that next right or left swipe will actually bring you happiness or waste even more of your time that could be spent in the present investing in your own life.