It’s not a toxic relationship if you don’t want to be together.

I was thinking about toxic relationships and how prevalent they are. They’re so popular, in fact, they have achieved meme status on the internet. For some people, they prefer the chaos. Some do thrive in it. They actively seek out partners that drive them crazy for the emotional high. But how toxic can it be if you don’t want to be involved in the relationship? 

This goes for all kinds of relationships, not solely romantic ones. Some have toxic friends that do nothing but suck the life out of you. You may not realize it at the moment but one day while you’re knee deep in their drama for the millionth time it hits you: What about me? Where do I fit into the situation?

I had a moment recently where while talking to the person via text, I felt an overwhelming sense of anxiety. I could feel my breathing pattern change and the thought of seeing them was making me physically sick. It was so bad that I started lashing out at the people around me in person. I couldn’t believe this person was affecting me so badly over text message! It was incredible that my instincts were taking over directing me to not make plans to see this person. I haven’t felt a vibe that strongly before. I do take my intuition seriously even if that sounds crazy to some.

That person clearly shouldn’t be in my life.

Have you ever experienced it in your life?  It can be challenging especially if you care for the person. This is the time where I don’t believe in the cliche of not burning bridges. I believe that some bridges should be burned to ash then the ash swept up and buried. Yes, that intensely! Some people do not deserve your goodness or light you bring to the world. That essence should be protected at all costs. You should value that within yourself and love yourself enough to put you first.  It’s okay to be selfish sometimes. We all have to survive.

So how do we spot the behavior early on to help cut it out sooner? It may sound silly but follow the breadcrumbs. You will notice a pattern of demands, lies, or some kind of manipulation. Listen to your friends. Sometimes they may be acting envious but for the most part, in their own ways, they will alert you to toxic behavior because they are looking at your situation objectively. That goes for everything in your life. We look at our lives subjectively because it’s tough to see the truth because we tend to lie to ourselves in hopes things get better. Their critique may seem hurtful at first and our defense of, YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND! is the usual swift reaction.

When these situations arise, take a step back and look at what’s going on. I think in our modern world social media makes things a lot worse. I think we over analyze or create situations that may not even be a reality. It can be very damaging to our sense of self worth and sanity. On the other hand, social media can alert us of the truth and can expose others in their game of bullshit. If you get the itch that they are talking with multiple other people in a romantic way there is a good chance they are. When confronted, they are going to lie and give you every excuse in the book. Also, you will notice their behavior in person will change. They won’t want to make plans with you as freely as before or when you do spend time together their behavior will be off and it will make you uncomfortable. These are the times we run home and cry ourselves to sleep because we think something is wrong with us! It’s a terrible feeling.

While growth is important as are clear lines of communication in a relationship, it’s important to remember that you are deserving of true love from another person with no caveat. You are deserving of someone who understands the language you speak and will never put you in a situation where you have to second guess their behavior or motive. You will always know where you stand. You will always know that you are number one to them. They will make clear lines of their relationships in their lives and you will never feel threatened by their friendships or have to worry why they gave you damn near dead flowers for Valentine’s Day thinking you wouldn’t notice they bought them for someone else who probably didn’t want them. YEP.

Focus your energy on loving yourself. Creating the life you want for yourself and when the time is right, you will attract the right person who is worthy of standing next to you. Not all people are trash but you can take the steps to get yourself out of the toxic mire and blossom like the beautiful flower you are. Trust yourself. Trust those that respect and care for you. Trust the process. Your future is so bright!