Say It Softly, Say It Again

Appreciation, compassion, and forgiveness. Appreciation enables and inspires growth individually and together, compassion is a home for love and care, and forgiveness allows for mistakes. It reminds us how human we truly are after the first year and 20th year.

What makes things work continuously? After that initial conversation filled with questions and compliments, you both notice there is something between you. It may be infatuation that turns your head. A pretty smile or a soft article of clothing helps you decide this person deserves a moment of your attention in an otherwise busy world. A moment that stops time, or at least it feels as though the world fades from view and the only thing left is that person in front of you. That moment of attention turns into a sharing of ideals and contacts with the hopes your next encounter creates the same amount of anxiety and joy. More like aggressive out of season fireworks and less like shooting stars. This is the moment you realize you need to learn how to make this other person a priority in your life. It is not easy. No matter how many romantic movies showcase bright lights, dazzling dance moves, or magic that leaks through the cracks and solves all issues under 90 minutes, it’s not reality. Reality is realizing this sensational person standing before you is a human being prone to making human choices.

This other person may drive you crazy, leave the seat up, never remember to fill their gas tank, forget to pay a bill, decide you do need another pet, or emotionally eat Oreos at 11:15pm every evening. We all have our habits that no one else in the world will understand because it is something that we specifically do. It’s our habit, our guilty pleasure that is too hard to shake (Oreo’s are too damn good!) The beauty in this mess is having our person who sees this in us and fills in our gaps. They bring us down to earth when we’ve coasted too high. They lift us up in the clouds when we are too low. They incite our spirit when the lights get too dark and bring us peace. Peace that calms our mind, calms our soul, and creates a space for happiness.

There is often a lot of talk that we are all responsible for our own happiness. I agree with that to a point. I do think there should be independence in most things, including finding things that make you happy. Too much codependency isn’t always healthy. If we are lucky, our lives can stretch on for years. We should fill those years with challenges that enable us to grow as a person. These things help water our imagination and give birth to our ambitions. With the right person by your side, they will support you through all your greatest ideas, somewhat good ideas, and frankly, how drunk were you when you thought of that idea. They will laugh with you, cry with you, hold you, and shout with excitement as you cross yet another finish line! Beaming with pride knowing that you accomplished that with your own determination and intellect. Encouraging strangers to cheer on in support as that level of compassion between two people can be contagious. It can also spike an intense jealousy in others.

Others will attempt to chip away, pull, and prod in an attempt to steal an ounce of joy. It is deliberately selfish. When this behavior rears its ugly head, you have to work harder to stick together. This is when trust kicks in. Trust that you know they will do the right thing, trust that any outside influence will have little to no impact, and know that at the end of the day, they will keep your relationship the high priority that it is. This is not merely them interacting with an attractive stranger. This goes deeper than lust. It also encompasses situations where secrets begin to form. Ideas or ideals turn into wedges that push you both further apart. Sometimes anonymous sex can be the smallest issue. Sometimes having fateful secrets and lies can be much more damaging. It can ruin what may seem like the best intention and hurt your partner to the point you feel it is time to part ways. This is where communication and forgiveness come into play. Feeling comfortable and knowing you can be honest with your partner without judgement can create stronger foundations and open more doors for forgiveness. Knowing to not only say sorry with your words but sorry with your actions. Those actions born from appreciation and wanting things to get better, stay better, and to last eternally.

You love this person. You love them wholly, deeply, and truly. Free from all trepidation and with honest eyes.

Flowers, hearts, candy, and large lovely balloons request the key to understanding and make you feel over the moon. Dig a little deeper past the worms and decay for you will find your treasure as plain as day.

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