Often times we think that the definition of forgiveness includes folly or some kind of mistake that stems from weakness. We often torture ourselves with guilt, or anger in hopes that we are truly making that other person feel our pain – even if it’s a small percentage. We hope that our mental torture and execution of the other person is enough to give them another chance. Fast forward to recycling ex relationships, old friends or family members. I don’t care how tough you think you are or how many tattoos or meme’s you reblog on the internet saying you don’t need anyone else – we all hope to give those that hurt us another chance. It’s what makes us human. We all truly want it to all be good with everyone else. We aspire to see the good in everyone regardless of how poorly they treated us. It causes a lot of us to remain in toxic relationships that hinder our future.
There is always the mantra of picking ourselves up after the dust has settled, in an effort to coax us into getting over difficulties easier. What if the dust never really settles, as you are constantly reminded of the past, therefore you can never really let go? Some cultures believe that we never really leave things behind, they are always a part of us – even the Bible reminds us of that as well in various contexts. We may be forgiven of the sin, but still carry the weight and memory of it – lest temptation reigns supreme and we are back down that hole. But what about when we have to say, “It’s finally time to move on.” Where does that now lead us to move on to? Another person? Another town? Another memory? A lot of us may move on, but we may move on to the same issues packaged in a different environment or person.
What a weekend.
With all the emotions being thrown around, words being expressed and biases formed, broken and reborn, I think we need to keep something in perspective. Love. I’m not talking about candy, hearts and flowers – I’m talking about love where out of suffering we move on together, out of respect, we move forward and tolerance, we can find a way to live together to find peace.
This kind of love finds forgiveness in a dark place called humanity. The spectrum of light, colors and emotions – we feel everything, even if we don’t want to. The pain I felt last night and still do, and I probably will carry some for the rest of my life because I know plenty of people who fit the description, profile, complexion of being in the “wrong” part of town at the “wrong” time. Whatever the fuck that even means.
Growing up religion has taught me to turn the other cheek, that these insults, and trauma are caused by individuals who are hurting from their own demons but sometimes you have to wonder if it’s really the devil or their own ego? Now that I’m an adult and have a growing and continuing understanding that there is more to life than what fills the pages of any one book. There is a lot of truth and power to maintaining the spirit, both human and otherwise, moving forward, forgiveness, and hope and pray that something finally sparks and people will let go of the anger and hurt in their own hearts. Life is more than the color of skin, the neighborhood in which we live and the building we walk into once a week to absolve ourselves of our transgressions.
My spirit is low and my heart breaks for what is going to come from this situation. I remain optimistic that good will rise to the top and there is a greater hope for the future. Anything is truly possible.
I ask you to just remember the small things; the pleases and thank-yous, holding doors, remembering to smile – all the small things we take for granted or can’t be bothered to perform. Don’t let this just pass us by and have it turn into passing meaningless chatter.
Let us be more.
Let this mean more.