I Heard Them but Did Not Listen

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How often do we hear someone make the statement: You’re not listening to me!  Sometimes when that phrase is uttered we shut down and go into defensive mode because we know that we definitely heard them – whatever their original request was.  We marked it down, etched it into our minds somewhere amidst the clutter of our every day memories and subtle subconscious reminders.  A lot of us even save conversations in order to re-read and replay that conversation in our minds in an effort to hang on to that situation months or even years down the road.  Yes, we heard you – but were we really listening to them?

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When is it Abusive?

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It’s all too common these days for each of us to be so enwrapped in each others lives.  We always know where most of our friends and family members are at any given moment thanks to the non-stop news feeds across all social media platforms.  We know when our cousin arrived at the local coffee shop and which friend is going through their 5th breakup within a month.  This behavior almost snuffs out the old thought of, “beware those who want to know your every move.”  That used to be a clear sign that your partner – whether you just met or you have been together a few years was controlling and borderline abusive and it was time for you to cut them out of your lives.  But what are some other signs that you are potentially in an abusive relationship and it is time to sever ties and move on?

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Are We Really At The Same Point?

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There comes a time in all of our relationships, whether it’s friendships to the most serious of relationships, and sometimes family, where we have the thought of if we are on the same page, or we are ready to start on a new course.  We often look for clues and suggestions from the other person because that fear of rejection can be overwhelming.  Sometimes we need to step out on the limb and ask the pertinent question:  Are we really at the same point?

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Fabulous Friday – The Power of Positivity

Weekend

The saying, “You catch more flies with honey than vinegar” is true then and still rings true today.  Whether you are going on a Tinder date tonight, buying groceries, waiting in line, or that cute guy you’ve had your eye on finally said hello, let’s work together to be kinder toward each other.  It’s easy to be kind to those we like, but let’s try to be kind to everyone.  They may need it more than you realize.

Have a beautiful weekend! 

Did Louie Really Hit IT on the Head?

If you haven’t heard, seen or watched the clip of Louis CK’s show, “Louie,” where the fat woman  voices her struggles with dating in great detail, you are missing an important conversation that is almost muted in our society.  The female character goes on about how her struggles encompass men almost living in fear of walking hand in hand with her, let alone dating her, because they are worried to be seen with her.  Louie’s character gives off the usual physical and verbal reactions; looking around nervously, and spitting out the knee jerk reaction of, “No, you aren’t fat” as a way to make the woman feel better about herself and almost convince himself that it is indeed okay and acceptable TO date her.  I don’t necessarily agree with all of what the female character is saying, but I think it’s important to start there.

Yes, everyone has a preference.  That’s just human nature.  The problem lies in there being preferences versus denying happiness due to how you are perceived by your peers.  I believe it goes deeper than how heavy a person is too.  I know that to some, they may be into say, black women, but would never openly date them or marry them out of fear of what their friends or family may say or do.  In some cases they may even be disowned.  Or they may be bullied for dating someone out of their class – the list is endless.  I do think things are getting marginally better, but it’s not enough.  If you meet someone, you click, and there is mutual attraction, why not pursue things?  Why not see where things go?  Why are we so worried about what someone else thinks or what someone else sees?  People spend a lot of time, energy, and money to impress other people.  There are industries built on taking your money to make you appear better for a limited time.  What happens when it’s over?  What happens when you aren’t important anymore?  You are left alone.  The party is over, the money may be gone, and your bed is cold again.  What if we made the start to begin working to make ourselves happy?  Would we be better for it in the long run?  Of course!

We all need to start having this conversation honestly, and let go of the fear of being judged by our peers.  They may have the same desires but are too scared to admit it as well.  I’m glad this video is going viral.  Hopefully, there is more honesty in the media, and in our lives.  We are all looking for the same thing –  that connection.  It shouldn’t be hampered by any prejudice or fear.

Spread love & inspire happiness for all!

The video is a little over 7 minutes, but it is definitely worth watching the entire thing.  How does it impact you?  Is this opening dialogue within your circle of friends?  Maybe your family?   Let me know!

On and Off Again?

It is a reality that in our modern age that meeting that special someone may require an internet connection.  So many people  are just too busy to get out there and meet people the old fashion way.  I know a lot are also tired of meeting people in the bar/club setting, and don’t feel you can easily meet someone at the grocery store.  I will agree that meeting someone in a bar is likely to not end well.  Drunk decisions tend to not be the best decisions.  That is why I feel there are a lot of positives and more possibilities to meeting people online.  You are able to get a feel of who they are, their interests and goals faster than meeting once and having intermittent phone conversations and endless text messages that seem to go nowhere.  But what happens when those online relationships never get off the ground?  They go in circles for a variety of reasons, and can sometimes go on for what feels like forever.

I do feel that with keeping that distance between two people, it is a safety net for one or both parties.  There is minimal risk in getting hurt if all you two are doing is trading words typed through a computer for what feels like ages.  I also feel that sitting behind a computer gives some a sense of confidence that they would never have in person.  They would never have the guts to talk to the woman of their dreams or the man of their dreams if they encountered them in a bookstore, grocery or a bar.  They would have missed that chance entirely over their own insecurities and fear.  Who wants to be rejected?  It’s not a nice feeling at all for anyone.

What about the other side of modern dating with this influx of online dating?  The disturbing amount of people who are either married or are already in committed relationships with other people that pretend to be single?  It can be very obvious when you encounter a married man or woman.  They usually aren’t looking to get serious in any way possible.  They want to meet up in areas that are not local to where they live, or where they may run into someone, or they only want to spend time at your place.  The flip side, they will only want you on their time and the “relationship” may not materialize in the real world.  They are always too busy for you, and refuse to make time. These people use all available dating sites, free or paid, trolling for whatever they can find.

 

Tips to avoid pitfalls:

  • Utilize Google Search:  Most people are not crafty Bond villains and use the same screen name for just about everything  – even personal and professional emails.  If you have met someone who you think is the bee’s knees, check them out.  Empower yourself with knowledge so you aren’t just another notch on their belt.
  • Is there really chemistry?:  Be mindful of who you are talking with.  If they immediately are demanding you send them endless pictures of yourself, some of which are semi nude, drop them.  It’s disrespectful and they are only after one thing – plus you aren’t the only one they are engaging with in that manner.  Look for that natural flow of conversation, even if you are only talking about something simple.  If you click, let it grow.
  • Real Time Dating:  When you first meet someone, you should look to connect in person as soon as possible.  Let’s break this section down first.  If he or she is coming off as a creep, do not bother with them.  If he or she gives you a bad vibe, do not bother with them.  Are you getting the idea?  Use your better judgement.  People give neon sign like clues about who they are.  It is up to you to read them.  Learn to ask them questions about who they are and what they are looking for in the long run.  When I say connect in person as soon as possible it should be in a very public location and it should be very casual.  Why get stuck through an entire dinner with someone you don’t actually like?  Don’t get mixed up with someone who would rather waste your time than work to build a life with you.  You are important and your time is just as important.
  • Practice safe sex:  I can not stress this enough!  Condoms are a lot cheaper than raising a child.  Plus, you won’t have to take a pack of condoms to court over child support or custody issues.
  • Are you happy?:  It is a simple question.  Does this person make you happy?  Do you look forward to your conversations together or spending time together?  If yes, then great!  I wish you all the best.  If not, start preparing for an exit.  Life is just too short to continue going around and around again.

There is a lot of truth to the saying if someone is serious about you, they will make it known and they will make plans with you in both the long and short term.  This is true for any medium of where you can meet someone.  Remember to take care of yourself before you start losing it to someone else.  Be aware, be empowered and let love find you, not the other way around.