Those Two Magic Corners

With Winter finally coming to a dramatic close this past week, we are left with the memory of bitter temperatures, snow days, and potholes.  It can be a very frustrating season for some people for various reasons.  Not much sunlight, shorter days, very cold days, getting snowed in, running out of bread, milk, and eggs can contribute to forms of depression.  What about those who find this season emotionally draining?  For some, it’s hard to find happiness getting through the holidays, even with an army of family around.  Are you making time to exercise those important muscles?  I’m not talking about your quads or some latest fitness fad.  I’m talking about your smile.

How often are we shuffling around too busy with life’s demands and forget to smile?  There are times where it can make a strangers day, week, or even their year just to experience a warm, friendly smile.  It makes them feel welcomed, appreciated, and a part of society.  It can be more powerful than anything else.  This transaction can happen anywhere too.  Whether you are buying a cup of coffee or casually walking through a park – let friendliness win.  These small steps can impact not just your life, but those around you.

With a new season in bloom, Spring brings wonderful opportunity with its longer, warmer days,  and Italian Ice.  Are we doing more than just the usual Spring Cleaning?  How about we challenge ourselves to Spring Clean our attitudes.  Leave the doldrums with Old Man Winter and put a smile between you and that attractive stranger.  You never know who that other person could be in your life, so take a chance.  It will start a chain reaction to others that is free with no requirements.

If you have a friend or acquaintance you haven’t heard from in a while, why not make contact?  See that stressed out Mom in aisle 6?  Offer her a friendly grin with empathy.  That may be something she desperately needed all week.  Do you know someone who needs this reminder?  Definitely pass it along to them.  That small phrase, “I was thinking about you” can mean a lot to someone and put a much needed smile on their face.

In our modern time, it is so easy to get lost in the functions of your smart phones or tablets.  It is very easy to avoid making eye-contact anymore because we are adapting the ability to walk, talk, chew gum, and text on our devices.  Social contact is being smothered by technology, and it is evident in the way most people treat each other in every day situations.  I have seen people so hardened by being bothered because they had to look away from their hand held device for a mere 10-15 seconds.  Let’s make a conscience effort to reconnect, reflect, and encourage a smile.  Happiness is not that hard to find if we are willing to look for it.  Make a strangers day and yours will be made as well.

 

IMG_4518Early morning baby deer friend.  I said, “Hey,” we made eye contact and then he or she went back to eating.

 

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Sunflowers

What really is the best way to deal with disappointment?  Over eating?  Over drinking? Obsessing on Facebook?  I’m not really sure the answer to this myself because depending on the situation and how grave the said disappointment, you may want to do all that I’ve already mentioned – if not more, right?

My recent excursion down the trail of disappointment of course deals with my love life.  I called a good friend of mine earlier to vent a bit about the past month and to talk shop about moving forward and realistic expectations for the coming month.  I may be down for a bit but I refuse to stay down.  Giving others power over you is dangerous and worthless.  This past month I have dealt with a lot of issues from past relationships and potential new ones that I have been trying to change within myself as well.  I made a deal with myself a year ago to change my behavior and some of my ways and try to date new and different kinds of people because what I was doing before wasn’t working.   I ended up alone more often than I cared to be.  I decided to open myself up to new kinds of men; men who before I would never consider dating because I would consider them too heavy a risk.  Yes, I look at dating in the form of accounting – whether he is an asset or a liability.  It’s just who I am.  In the beginning of the relationship things went okay.  I let go of some things and proceeded with caution.  You only live once, may as well take a risk and find out.

Time went by and I ended up in a new relationship.  Things were okay for a while until reality set in and my previous checks & balances that would have told me to not bother with this guy were coming up like red flags in a bad soccer match.   My gut/intuition/whatever you want to call it kept telling me to end things and move on, no matter how hard it may be.  How can you go one minute wondering if this is the kind of compromise they talk about when moving forward to getting married?  I also contemplated that was it my own fears holding me back from moving forward too?  Sadly, those red flags were turning quite serious and I knew it was time to go.

Fast forward to dating others more recently, still trying to be optimistic, hoping that if I try something different, maybe that will lead me to someone I am able to feel safe with.  Nothing has stuck yet and the old temptations to previous encounters swing in and out as if being offered a warm bowl of ice cream.  It’s tempting but easy to resist.  I wouldn’t say I was lowering my standards.  It was more not being as picky as I can be.  My philosophy is to wait for that right one, not waste years of my life tied to the wrong one.  What I realized after chatting with my friend earlier is that I am okay being single.  My life is filled with a lot of great people and adventures that maybe, right now this is all I need.

It’s important not to be envious of others.  What some have, they may have had to sacrifice everything for a moment of fleeting happiness.  I do believe that a strong marriage is more important than just being someone’s wife.  I also believe  that a good marriage can exist, even in our modern time.  I just know that it’s not my time yet.  If or when that time comes I will be ready, but I am content to wait.  I know me of 5 years ago would have thought the me now is crazy for even thinking that but wisdom comes with age.  There are more important things in life than the selfishness of others in bad relationships, or pride for that matter.

As far as I know, for me, if I don’t feel that he is the right fit, I will politely say,  “no thank you,” and patiently wait my turn.  I deserve that.

Hell of a Weekend

What a weekend.

With all the emotions being thrown around, words being expressed and biases formed, broken and reborn, I think we need to keep something in perspective.  Love.  I’m not talking about candy, hearts and flowers – I’m talking about love where out of suffering we move on together, out of respect, we move forward and tolerance, we can find a way to live together to find peace.

This kind of love finds forgiveness in a dark place called humanity.  The spectrum of light, colors and emotions –  we feel everything, even if we don’t want to.  The pain I felt last night and still do, and I probably will carry some for the rest of my life because I know plenty of people who fit the description, profile, complexion of being in the “wrong” part of town at the “wrong” time.  Whatever the fuck that even means. 

Growing up religion has taught me to turn the other cheek, that these insults, and trauma are caused by individuals who are hurting from their own demons but sometimes you have to wonder if it’s really the devil or their own ego?  Now that I’m an adult and have a growing and continuing understanding that there is more to life than what fills the pages of any one book.  There is a lot of truth and power to maintaining the spirit, both human and otherwise, moving forward, forgiveness, and hope and pray that something finally sparks and people will let go of the anger and hurt in their own hearts.  Life is more than the color of skin, the neighborhood in which we live and the building we walk into once a week to absolve ourselves of our transgressions.

My spirit is low and my heart breaks for what is going to come from this situation.  I remain optimistic that good will rise to the top and there is a greater hope for the future.  Anything is truly possible.

I ask you to just remember the small things; the pleases and thank-yous, holding doors, remembering to smile – all the small things we take for granted or can’t be bothered to perform.  Don’t let this just pass us by and have it turn into passing meaningless chatter.

Let us be more.

Let this mean more.

Weekend Wishes

What are you getting into this weekend?  I hope whatever it is, you find the joy in it.  This should be a very interesting weekend for me.  Tonight is one of my favorite nights, date night.  I love any excuse for getting dolled up for a night out!  As far as makeup goes, I’ll stick with a gold base and maroon accent for a mild smokey eye, eye liner, mascara and a soft plum lip.  It is all very subtle but I prefer my makeup like that than the shocking style.  Makeup should show off your natural beauty, not a person you aren’t.

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Cobalt Blue with lime green accent on my fingers and toes.  You can see where I made a few mistakes with the polish.  We’re only human, right? Haha

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Floral high-low strapless dress.  I got this from Walmart (yes, Walmart!).

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Cute nude, peep-toe wedges. These are from Target.

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Turquoise like necklace with matching earrings.

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Orange gemstone ring with diamond accents.  It’s mix media but it works together well.

I hope your weekend is just as beautiful!

Dating is a Dying Art

CoupleonDate

 

When was the last time you went on a solid date where you felt there was a connection, you actually wanted to see the person again, and you felt it could turn into a relationship?  When was the last time you went on a date and projected all your thoughts and possibly derailed things after the appetizer?  I know we are all guilty of having the foot-in-mouth instead of the spinach dip as the starter course.   Or we are downing too many alcoholic beverages before we even learn their last name then complain that things bombed to anyone who will listen.  Why are we torturing ourselves?  I used to be that single lady who ordered one too many “foot-in-mouth” until I had a moment of clarity and changed my attitude.  Looking back, I realized why I was attracting the wrong man and why things never developed due to how ridiculous I was being.  I know that by changing a few key things, you too can find a healthy relationship that will give you a sense of pride and boost of self-confidence.

As a plus-sized lady, I fell into the thinking that I may never find the unicorn known as a “good man.”   What if I’m not pretty enough or thin enough like some of my counterparts who, in my mind, fit more into what should be and not what is.  I honestly have to tell you that that mentality is absolute bullshit.  Men are men and they are not as discerning as women make them out to be.  If a man finds you attractive, he finds you attractive.  Yes, there are men who prefer a thinner woman, but sometimes they tend to be very insecure.   It’s mostly due to them being worried about what their friends will think – not their own happiness.  I’m not the thinnest hen in the henhouse but I have to say that I turn more heads than my slimmer counter parts.  It took years for this to finally sink in but it is possible and it gave me a new sense of self-confidence.  I was ready to be loved because I learned to love myself.

I empower you all to smile, be open and open-minded and confident.  Learn to listen as well as communicate your desires and ambitions.  Finding the right partner starts with finding yourself and loving yourself.  Try not to get caught up in broken text message, email conversations, drinking too much during the dating period, being too abrasive or rushing to the future before it even gets here.  Relax, have fun and let love find you because it will when the time is right.