Ever see a water stain on a ceiling and think, “nah, that’s nothing.” Then as time goes on it slowly starts to grow leaving behind various colored stains. Then suddenly water starts leaking through a small hole you never noticed before and now you have to call someone to fix it because you don’t want your ceiling to start falling apart damaging the rest of your house. One visible leak means there could be others hidden you aren’t even aware of at the time.
Trust works the same way, regardless of the relationship.
I was going back and forth on writing this mainly because I’m not a fan of generalizations and frankly, I don’t like writing a gave up style piece. I believe in optimism. The glass being half full, and that there is so much greatness to life that we all experience on a daily basis. Some miss out on that greatness because they gave up on seeing it. I did not choose to take a break from online dating – I unplugged from it completely – for good.
The book, Lord of the Flies often gets cited in times of discourse in times of crisis. We often wonder who will lead us as a group for the greater good, who is only trying to lead to fulfill their ego, and who will be part of the heard that ultimately destroys us, a la a rock being dropped on our heads ( I apologize if that spoils part of the story for you [ honestly, I’m not sorry. The story came out originally in 1954 and the movie released in 1990 – if you haven’t seen or read it by now, shame on you]). When in these difficult group dynamics, natural leaders often rise to the top. We all know how that goes; if it’s a group of women the alpha female will be labeled a bitch or worse and for men they are often respected for taking charge and having to make the tough decisions. Why is it that when competent and strong women stand their ground and move things forward, even if that involves dragging everyone kicking and screaming, it is seen as bossy/bitchy behavior?
Often times we are triggered by scents, music, colors, or random sounds of past experiences that are both amazingly unforgettable and at the same time horrendously unforgettable. When presented with such situations it can cause in us great euphoria or lead us down a dark path resembling depression. It can take a few moments of silence to get us back to normal but sometimes it takes a lot longer to move forward with our lives. In these instances we often wonder Who was that? while looking at old pictures with previous lovers or old friends.
Often times we think that the definition of forgiveness includes folly or some kind of mistake that stems from weakness. We often torture ourselves with guilt, or anger in hopes that we are truly making that other person feel our pain – even if it’s a small percentage. We hope that our mental torture and execution of the other person is enough to give them another chance. Fast forward to recycling ex relationships, old friends or family members. I don’t care how tough you think you are or how many tattoos or meme’s you reblog on the internet saying you don’t need anyone else – we all hope to give those that hurt us another chance. It’s what makes us human. We all truly want it to all be good with everyone else. We aspire to see the good in everyone regardless of how poorly they treated us. It causes a lot of us to remain in toxic relationships that hinder our future.